EMILY GUENDELSBERGER; guendee@phillynews.com
THERE ARE now two anonymous sources claiming that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are not only expecting again, but expecting twins. First to break the dubious news was paparazzi organization X17, followed by an exclusive by Star magazine stemming from another anonymous source.
These specific pregnancy rumors come after more general pregnancy rumors spurred by Jolie's Jan. 7 appearance at the Critics' Choice awards looking less distressingly thin than usual and drinking only nonalcoholic beverages. Here's hoping for their sakes that they aren't girls, lest they grow up in the shadow of an Olsen Twins-style Countdown to Legality clock that will inevitably be put on the Internet 10 seconds after their birth.
Cage: I did not steal that dog
In one of today's more bizarre stories (but really, what involving Nicolas Cage isn't bizarre? Anybody see the "Wicker Man" remake? Anybody? Just SatTatt, then?), Cage refuted claims made in the memoirs of "Peggy Sue Got Married" co-star Kathleen Turner that he . . . well, it's easier to just quote the passage. He:
"caused so many problems. He was arrested twice for drunk-driving and, I think, once for stealing a dog. He'd come across a Chihuahua he liked and stuck it in his jacket."
Cage responded to Turner's allegations in the following priceless statement: "I have never been arrested for anything in my life, nor have I stolen a dog."
Clemens' Moment of Truth
Out of the many ways to handle serious allegations of drug abuse, one stands clear as maybe not the best choice: to do it on a nationally broadcast game show hosted by the host of "Joe Millionaire" and "Temptation Island."
The show in question is "Moment of Truth," in which contestants are hooked up to a polygraph and asked uncomfortable questions in front of their loved ones in hopes of winning up to $500,000 if they can answer 21 questions truthfully. As if that weren't cringe-y enough, the show's creator and producer, Howard Schultz, recently contacted pitcher Roger Clemens, offering him the chance to clear his name of allegations of steroid abuse.
"People have stood in awe at your incredible accomplishments in baseball," wrote Schultz in the grammatically iffy missive. "This show could let the world know that you are an incredibly courageous person as well to clear your name in front of a nationwide audience, all in the name of charity."
Insert 'Rehab' pun here
The turning point for singer Amy Winehouse's Thursday entry into rehab was when her father admitted that her family has looked into getting her committed under Britain's Mental Health Act after seeing a recent video of the singer smoking crack in front of her wedding photo.
Fellow singer Alanis Morrisette was unable to be reached for comment, but it is expected that she would rhetorically ask, "Isn't it ironic? You know, because her hit single was called 'Rehab' and now she's in rehab. Don't you think?" before musing that the situation is like rain on your wedding day. Tattle wishes Ms. Winehouse a successful recovery.
Whom do you want to be?
The Beverly Hills Institute of Aesthetic and Reconstructive Surgery has released its annual list of the most-requested celebrity look-alike features. Vain women everywhere have spoken: We want the eyes of Katie Holmes, Angelina Jolie's lips, Katherine Heigl's nose, Carrie Underwood's jawline, Jessica Simpson's hair (wait, they do hair?) and Keira Knightley's cheeks, all topping off the body of Jessica Biel. If after hearing this, you're considering making your millions by pitching "Frankenstein: 90210" to ABC, step off - SatTatt is already there and will mess your pretty face right up.
Inanity now!
The body of Heath Ledger was transported from the Frank E. Campbell funeral home to an unidentified NYC airport. . . . Lil' Wayne was charged yesterday with four counts of felony drug and weapon possession after his tour bus was searched by an Arizona canine border-patrol unit, which turned up 4 ounces of marijuana, an ounce of cocaine, 41 grams of ecstasy and a .40-caliber pistol. His bail terms allow him to continue his tour. . . . Fox News' John Gibson, after days of protesting that it was a good joke, has finally made his apology (albeit insincere-sounding) for the crack, "Well, you certainly did find a way to quit him," a reference to the line from "Brokeback Mountain," that the radio personality made on his show after hearing of Heath Ledger's death. *
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